When telling the truth doesn’t shift the lie

The podcast that cracked me, the beauty of hindsight and the spy who shagged me.

“I don’t love you anyway.”

About a month ago, I found myself on a Zoom call with Georgia Love, host of one of Australia’s top-rated podcasts – Everyone Has An Ex. And suddenly, I was transported almost ten years back to my living room.

The person I was sure was my endgame said those words.

Stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.

Who the f*ck said that? Those words shattered me.

Recording on the Everyone Has An Ex podcast at PodBoss in Brisbane

To give you a bit of context…

I’d been dating a man who I adored.

He said he was a doctor, but had no proof.

He said he was in national intelligence, but had even less proof.

He lied so much I lost touch with reality.

You know ... the usual red flags.

(Before Voiceprint, my book was going to be called The Spy Who Shagged Me - which funnily became the title of the podcast.)

My family were on the war path to save me. I was drowning in relentless texts and calls telling me how stupid I was to stay.

So, I did what any love blind woman in my situation would do – told my family we broke up and continued to date him in secret.

For 6 months the lies gnawed at my insides.

By day, I was a journalist speaking the truth. By night, I was living a lie. It tore me apart..

Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore.

I sent an email to my family explaining that I was still seeing him and I planned to be with him.

That email hit like a bomb and they absolutely lost it.

But it was a price I was willing to pay.

They’ll come around.  We were free. We could be together finally!!

And that’s when my own bomb dropped.

“I don’t love you anyway.”

I was in utter shock. I had just cut a chasm between myself and every single person in the world who I cared about.

Let’s step back.

This was like 10 years ago. Honestly, get over it, right?

But the beauty of hindsight is real, and as I was speaking to Georgia, I realised that moment was a mirror.

It wasn’t him who didn’t love me. It was me who didn’t love me.

I’d told my family the objective truth of the situation, but I was still lying to myself.

Speaking THE truth was different to speaking MY truth.

I knew deep down it wasn’t right.

All these years later...

I can see how that painful truth was really the one that set me free. The truth was gouged from within me. And I’m grateful.

As a voice coach, I serve my clients from this place of depth. I’m not just about surface-level speaking tips. I know first-hand what it means to speak your truth and find your voice.

It’s deep, it’s energetic, it’s ancestral. And you can feel it in your body.

Brene Brown in one of my favourite quotes of all time, says: “Shame cannot survive the spoken word. It cannot tolerate having words wrapped around it.”

And no matter what’s happened to you or the relationships you’ve been in, start with looking in the mirror and loving yourself anyway. 😉

Sally Prosser is a voice and communications advisor and author of Voiceprint. Follow her @sallyprosservoice and listen to the Everyone Has An Ex podcast HERE.