303. Shake up your speaking
Feeling stuck in a rut? This episode is your reminder that meaningful change doesn't have to be dramatic.
Performance coach, speaker and author Candice Harvey joins me to explore why so many of us settle for "comfortable" and how small, courageous actions can create extraordinary results.
In this conversation, you'll discover:
Why mediocrity isn't failure – it's staying safe.
Simple ways to shake up your confidence, communication and career.
How to break free from "this is how we've always done it."
Why speakers should put perfectionism in the bin.
The power of using your voice, even when it feels uncomfortable.
If you're ready to stop playing small and start speaking with greater courage, this episode will give you the shake-shake-shake-up you need.
TRANSCRIPT
Welcome to Episode 303 of That Voice Podcast, our final guest episode before I head off on the big Camino de Santiago. I'll share more on that next week before I take off. And me going off to do this big walk is a total shakeup of my daily routine. So it's quite apt that today I am joined by the Queen Shaker-uppera, Candice Harvey.
Oh, Candice is a performance coach. She's a speaker. She's a state of mind, baby. I love me some Candice Harvey energy, and I know you will too. We have a shared fear of mediocrity, and if you're listening to this podcast, it's likely you're one of us. Come and join me in the Certified Voice Print Leader course. It's eight weeks of communication magic, and we are starting in October.
If you feel stuck in a rut in any area of your life, especially speaking, you wanna shake up your speaking, Candice has some excellent advice. Such a good episode. Now, apologies about my microphone in this chat. I'm not sure what was going on. I think I had the wrong one selected.
Anyway, you can hear Candice clear as a bell, and that is the most important thing. Get ready to shake it, shake, shake, shake, shake it like a Polaroid picture. Showing my age here and my lack of musical talent. Are you ready to shake up your speaking with Candice Harvey? Here we go.
Sally:
Candice Harvey, welcome to That Voice Podcast. I'm so excited to have you on the show. Your energy is just insane. I feel like you should have millions of followers online.
Candice:
If you could make that happen for me, Sally, that would, that would be, that would be amazing. Yeah, thank you.
Sally:
I have many talents. The Instagram algorithm isn't one of them. So tell us, what inspired you to shake it up?
Candice:
Yeah. I think honestly, one of my biggest fears is living a mediocre life, you know? Like, not a mediocre life as in life is terrible, but mediocre as in staying comfortable, not seeing what I'm truly capable of, doing the same thing on repeat, and I guess just feeling out of alignment, but never doing anything about it. So when I look back at my life, like, all the times that I've either been shaken up by something, been shaken up by someone, or the times that I did the courageous thing and shook myself up, life is always better on the other side. You know, like, you learn more about yourself, you see different ways of doing things. And honestly, I think it just makes for a way better story. But I think what really inspired me to even, you know, write the book called The Shake Up, was realizing that most people don't actually know how to shake things up.
Candice:
Like, they just don't know how to do it, Sally. You know, they think it's actually a lot more complicated than it is, or they think that it's way more time-consuming or that it's just hard to fit in, when really it can be super simple. Like, the decision to shake things up can sometimes be the hard part, but the actual doing it is usually really easy. So, yeah, I think just knowing that when you get on the other side of it, life is better, that is, that's always what inspires me to do it myself and to help other people to shake things up.
Sally:
I love it, Candice. Hard relate on the fear of mediocrity. Yeah. Which is really funny when people are just like, "Oh, but, you know, how do you not do what everyone else is doing?" I'm like, "Because my greatest fear is to do what everyone else is doing."
Candice:
Yeah.
Sally:
So I'm constantly driven by doing the opposite. Yeah. So what did you do in your own life when you had this realization? What were some of the actions you take? You said it was quite simple. What did you do?
Candice:
Yeah. I mean, they're, they're so different, Sally. Like, again, depending on how old people are when they're listening, like, we've all gone through a bucket load of shake ups in different areas, right? And again, like, not to keep going on about my book, but my book is, it's all about, like, there's 24 chapters, and it's 24 areas of someone's life that every now and again needs a shake up. You know, so there's a chapter on your confidence. So every now and again, we need to shake up our confidence. And, you know, one of the steps might be just putting your hand up once that week, you know? Like really sort of stretching yourself and doing something different. Or maybe another chapter's all about your friendship. Like, I don't know about you, Sally, but sometimes I need to shake up my friendships, right? Because either we're going a different direction, they're going in a different direction.
Candice:
And some, like, a step might be to, you know, hold a boundary with one of your friends this week. Like, you've been saying that you're gonna push back and you're just not doing it, but it depends what's kind of going on for you and realizing that the actual action isn't as big. Like, I know that even speaking to some friends that have read the book as well, they're like, "Oh my God, I've been thinking about my intimacy and having to shake up my intimacy. And then when I get to the steps at the end of the chapter, it's not that hard." I'm like, "No, it's not. It's not. It actually is a lot, lot simpler." So I've done all of these things at some point, shaking up my communication, shaking up my bravery, and it can just be just doing one thing differently that coming week.
Sally:
And what would you say for yourself has been the biggest thing that's put things forward?
Candice:
This is probably, where was I? Mid - 20s by this stage. And I was very loosely dating a guy, not loosely in the terms of being loose, but you know what I mean? Like no labels, right? No labels. But I was in a bad mood with him, and I was just getting annoyed because he was just not doing what I wanted him to do that was in my head that I wasn't saying out loud, you know, those sort of situations. And I remember he turned to me and he actually said, "Candice, you know you're not perfect, right?" And I remember being in my mid - 20s and I was like, "Oh. My gosh." Like, I actually think up until that point, I had the highest expectations of everyone around me. Like, I really thought that there was just this way that everyone was supposed to be behaving, and if they weren't behaving this particular way, Sally, then I was off at them.
Candice:
I was annoyed. And I was just in my own head, but really creating a lot of unhappiness for myself. And the moment that he actually said those words, I have no idea where he is in this life right now, and he has no idea the impact that he actually had, but that one line that shook me up so incredibly was like, "What am I doing with my life? Like, I'm not that perfect. Why am I expecting other people?" And that sort of, that definitely triggered a, "I need to learn more about myself. I need to learn more about other people." And it kind of got me really getting into personal development in a big way, which then ripples on and trickled into the work that I do now.
Sally:
Yeah, love it. So you work with lots of teams.
Candice:
I do.
Sally:
Do you, you speak on stage, you do emceeing. In your travels for your job, what do you notice about why people are perhaps stuck in a rush? Like, why they might want to shake things up, but feel like they don't know what to do? What's the pattern that you've been noticing?
Candice:
I think, Sally, it's a lot of the time that people are following what everyone else is doing instead of thinking for themselves. Like, you sort of touched on it before where it's one of your biggest fears, like, just doing what everyone else is doing. But I think that's why they kind of get in a rut. Like, and it starts quite small, right? Like, it's someone doesn't push back on a process because that's just how we always do things around here. Or someone stays quiet in a meeting because no one else is speaking up, so why do I have to be the one to kind of start? You know? Or someone even copies the way that their manager runs things, even if it's not actually working, but it's just safer than doing it differently. And I think on its own, none of those moments actually feel like a big deal.
Candice:
But when you string enough of them together, that's how a whole team just ends up doing things a certain way. It's not because it's the best way, but it's actually because this is how we're just choosing to do things. We don't question things anymore. And I think that that's a real trap. So ruts don't actually happen because people are lazy or they don't care. They just happen because they're not actually thinking for themself anymore. They're just following the patterns that are just in front of them. And it's really easy to copy and paste, Sal, right? Like, it's really easy not to come up with your own ideas. It's easy just to go along with what everyone else is doing, , and do the whole, "This is how we do things around here." Like, I can't stand that phrase. But it's a really dangerous sentence for a lot of businesses as well.
Candice:
It just shuts down a lot of the curiosity. It ends conversations. When no one's actually asking why anymore. They're just repeating the same stuff. And I think that's how ruts sort of start, yeah.
Sally:
Yeah. And it can be so challenging when it's so deeply entrenched in culture. So when you're in front of a team in a workshop, what is the sort of things or an example of what you get them to do?
Candice:
You know, you can be so prepared, and you would know this with the work that you do as well, for the different types of content that you're gonna deliver and, you know, the way that the whole day or the session is gonna go. And then you get into the room and you're like, "These people seem either so exhausted. They seem like they're forced to be here." Like, you never actually know. Like, I get into rooms sometimes and people are so excited. They've been binging everything that's Candice Harvey related, which is absolutely awesome. But you never sort of know. So it just depends. Like, sometimes I honestly do get people up on their feet because I think that there are a lot of workplaces that are so used to just sitting on their bums, you know? So even just to shake things up physically is really important, and I can see a shift in energy.
Candice:
Like I'll get them to do a squat challenge with me, right? Like literally partner up and let's just have a competition of who can do the most amount of squats. And some of them look at me like I've never done a squat in my life, right? But it's just getting them to get that heart racing a little bit, doing something that they wouldn't usually do in the workplace, you know? Like I sort of say, like I might get you to hold hands. I never get them to hold hands, but just the thought or the idea of holding hands can bring something up in their body where they're like, "Oh, hang on. We're gonna be doing things very differently in this workshop today." So I make sure that they are, you know, they leave knowing very different ways of working with very different tools that actually work, but also getting them to experience something in the workplace that they don't usually experience I think is really important because people get very complacent with their Monday to Friday.
Sally:
It's like when I'm in a workshop and I have a microphone, which you can see up there on my shelf, and I just hold it as though I'm gonna give it to somebody. I don't actually give it to somebody, but just watching people react to the thought that they might be given a microphone, which by the way, is not plugged in or anything.
Candice:
Yeah!
Sally:
It's purely prop, that doesn't mean anything.
Candice:
Gets their heart racing. Yeah.
Sally:
It does, but it's very effective because you're getting people out of that, that comfort zone and that change into that growth zone.
Candice:
Yeah.
Sally:
So you've done a lot of speaking. What do you see with speakers that they could be doing more of, to be shaking things up on stage?
Candice:
Yeah. What a great question, Sally. Bloody love this one. I actually think it's that speakers need to put perfect in the bin. That's actually what I see. Like, I see so many people put so much pressure on themselves when speaking. And so I guess instead of trying to shake things up, I wish more speakers would just shake perfectionism off entirely. Like, nobody wants a perfect script. Nobody wants, like, this flawless delivery. They just want you. They want the fumbles. They want the lost train of thought. They want the, "Hang on a minute, sorry, what was I saying again?"
Candice:
Like, I actually love that when I see speakers do that, because it makes you as a audience or someone who's participating and wanting to learn. It makes you kind of relax into it more and feel like you can digest it as opposed to, like, you know, I've got, "I don't wanna miss every word and every sentence because they've been practicing this and it feels very robotic". Like, I just think that when people do, the slip-ups or the fumbles or the pausing moments, like, that's not a mistake. That's not actually a crappy speech. That's the moment where the room actually really leans in because it's real. Like, I just think that polished speakers can be quite forgettable, right? But real is what people remember. The thought and that feeling or the pressure of, "I have to get this right. I have to nail this. It has to be perfect." I would really love people to put that in the bin because I just think that it's getting, it's getting in the way for sure.
Sally:
Yeah, absolutely. It's a big part of the work that I do around people want realness, not flawless.
Candice:
Yeah.
Sally:
They want a dialogue, not a monologue. You really need to be comfortable in your own skin to be standing up there on stage and be present.
Candice:
Yeah.
Sally:
Like a lot of the time, it can be a fear response to say, "It's easier if I just imagine there's an invisible wall. I'm doing a performance and the audience is out there." So, put perfection in the bin. Love it. Can you think about a time in your life when you found your voice? So when that partner said, "You're not perfect, Candice.". That might have been a time when you kind of shut it and went, "Hmm. Let me think."
Candice:
And I did. I was so quiet, Sally. Like, Candice Harvey is never quiet. And I reckon I was quiet for at least 15 minutes. I was completely like, "What?" I had no words. But yeah, when I actually found my voice. Oh, I love this one as well. I guess, I mean, I worked in HR for 15 years, and much of it I worked in male-dominated industries. And I guess it taught me really one thing very fast. Like, if you don't use your voice, you don't only not get anywhere, like, or you also get ignored, but you miss opportunities to really create real impact. When you ask about a time like I found my voice, like, one moment comes to mind straight away, and it was towards the very end of my HR career. And my boss actually asked me to terminate an employee's contract, and I didn't agree with the reason behind it.
Candice:
Like, I remember her explaining it, and I was like, "This is not a good enough reason to just say you no longer have a job." Like, it just felt brutal. It felt just over the top. It was a lot. And I, you know, it's really tough in a corporate environment to go against what your boss is asking of you, you know? So many people just don't push back. But I remember going home that night and talking it through with my husband. I knew I just couldn't go ahead and do that, hold my head high, say that I was a great HR person, which I was really proud of being. I didn't think I'd be able to do that thing and sleep at night if I actually went along with it. So I remember the next morning, I was so nervous, Sally. Like, it was awful.
Candice:
I remember saying to my boss, "Can I just have some time with you?" And I met with her, and it was like, one, two, three, like, you gotta get these out of your mouth. And I told her that, you know, this is something I don't agree with, and it's not something that I'm gonna be doing. And I remember she just looked at me and she said, "Okay, then I guess I'll have to do it." And I was like, "That's it. Like, you're just gonna do it." So I remember being super proud of myself because it was one of the first, first moments that really shines out to me where I was like, "This doesn't align to who I am. This isn't in line with my values." And so getting those words out of my mouth, even though that person still got terminated, I couldn't be the person to do that.
Sally:
I love that. And it also demonstrates that the sky won't fall in. Like she said, okay, right, well, I'll have to do it. Yeah. She might have been a bit peeved for a, you know, a few minutes, but it wouldn't have really stayed with her too much.
Candice:
Yeah, true.
Sally:
So often we feel like the consequences of using our voice are so much greater than what they are. I really love what you're doing on social media. You're so real. Your voice is so strong. And, some clients, and if you're listening to this, you might relate to this, feeling, "Oh my gosh, if I put my story online or if I speak on a story, what are people gonna think?" Honestly, people probably won't even see it. Like, we've got fantastic content not being seen by people.
Candice:
Yeah, because people say to me all the time, like, you know, "I love what you share!", and "Oh my God, like, you go dancing and you're doing this and you share. I could never do that!". I'm like, firstly, like, people are, there's so much going on that they're flicking past. People are not analyzing my face or my words. They've got other things to look at, other things to do. And the amount of time that people are spending worrying about it or, you know, fearing it, it's just such a waste of time and energy. And you'd be exactly the same. Like, we have a reason as to why we wanna use our voice. We have a reason of the stuff that we wanna share is important and it's gonna make a difference. And that is way more important to me than someone not liking me.
Candice:
And honestly, I've never had that sort of stuff. Sally, people might say terrible stuff behind my back that they don't like me, and that's totally okay. But I think that we can make up stories in our head that it's gonna be way worse than it actually is. Like, no one's hating you, you know? Just go do your thing.
Sally:
Yeah. And working through that conditioning, the goal is not to be liked by everyone.
Candice:
No.
Sally:
Like, there are people that we don't like for no apparent reason. Like, it's not like we don't like them, but we probably wouldn't say, "Come out for lunch with me," for example.
Candice:
Yeah.
Sallt:
And we haven't done anything. It's just the way the world works. If you're wanting to please everyone, you won't please yourself.
Candice:
Exactly.
Sally:
Using our voice always pays off. Like, look at this, for example, my sister saw you speak at a conference, said you were absolutely phenomenal, commanded a room of like, 200 people. Absolutely memorable. Then she read your book. Then I followed you on social. And I think we've, you know, in Brisbane as well been at the same events. And then here you are on the podcast.
Candice:
Yeah.
Candice:
So the more that you're sharing your voice, this is how we show people who we are.
Candice:
Yeah. Only good can come from it, right? Like, that's how I look at it, especially when you've got the right intention. Only good can come from speaking up, for sure.
Sally:
Love that. Is there anything else you'd like to add? What's your number one shake it up tip?
Candice:
Oh, my number one shaken up tip I think is really being able to be honest with where you're at in life. And think about if there is one area that I could improve right now, what would that be? And I get, and I think Sally as well, like, everyone just answered that. Like, everyone listening knows exactly what that was. Like, it just landed in their head. Like, whether it's relationships, whether it's your health, whether it's the way that you're showing up at work, there'll be one area where you're like, "I'm kind of half-assing that at the moment."
Candice:
Grab onto that and allow yourself to go, "If I was gonna do one thing differently in that area, what would that be?" Like, it doesn't have to be a monster. It doesn't have to be massively time-consuming, but my biggest tip is just to continue to be really honest with yourself and your one life that you're living, and allow yourself to kinda go, "Where could I improve? Where could it be better?" Just don't allow yourself to live a mediocre life. And remembering mediocre isn't terrible, but mediocre is just staying safe, and I don't want that for you. So go do big things!
Sally:
So well said. Where can people find you? How can they get your book and to follow you on social media?
Candice:
Yeah. So my book's on Amazon. It's also on Audible. It's called The Shake Up. , My podcast is also called The Shake Up Podcast. There's a little bit of a theme here. People call me a Shaker-uppera. But yeah, I'm on social media, Candice Harvey as well. So yeah, I love to connect with everyone and anyone. So, go and say hi!
Sally:
Candice Harvey, you are an absolute gem. Thank you so much for joining us on That Voice Podcast!
Candice:
Thank you, Sally.
