What if some of the phrases you use every day are actually holding you back?
In this episode, I'm doing a little verbal spring clean with 10 phrases I'd love to see put in the bin.
From "I'm bad at public speaking" and "I hate my voice" to "I'm too busy" and "I can't afford it", we're exploring how the language we use shapes the way we see ourselves, communicate with others and approach opportunities.
I'll share why these phrases deserve a rethink, what to say instead and how small shifts in language can create a bigger shift in possibility.
Your voice matters. Make sure your words reflect that.
Transcript
Welcome to That Voice Podcast. I'm your host, Sally Prosser. If you want to speak with style, sass, and soul so you can love your voice and land your message, you're in the right place. Let's hit it. Welcome to episode 308 of That Voice Podcast. Today, we're doing a little verbal spring clean. I've got 10 phrases I would love to see put in the bin. Not because they're grammatically incorrect, not because I haven't used them myself on more than one occasion. It's because I truly believe every time we speak, we are sending a message, submitting an order into the universe. Chapter 13 of voice print is all there, speak your blueprint. The way you speak to yourself and others has a direct impact on your experience of reality. The words we speak cast spells into the world. In fact, the word abracadabra comes from the Aramaic or Hebrew phrase, meaning I create as I speak. That's directly from voice print. And so we wanna look at the language we're using. Are the phrases we're using diminishing our confidence, undermining our authority, limiting our potential, and just keeping us stuck in some cases. So today I'm sharing these 10 phrases I'd love you to reconsider and what I'd encourage you to say instead. All right, let's get into it. Number one, I'm so bad at public speaking. This is the big one, and I hear it all the time. When someone finds out I'm a voice and public speaking coach, <laugh> a lot of people immediately tell me how much they hate public speaking and how bad they are at speaking. Instead of this, say I'm working on my public speaking skills. I'm developing my speaking skills. I'm bad at public speaking is an identity. The other is a dynamic work in progress. Think about it. If you're learning to drive, you know, you stole the car, do a few bunny hops like I did when I was trying to learn how to drive in dad's old Manuel Pegero. <laugh> I remember at that time I announced, "I'm a terrible driver." And he said, "Oh, you're just learning, Sal, you'll get it." He snapped it out early and said, "Do not say I'm a bad driver because you'll get yourself into more trouble." And he was right and, you know, I'm a very good driver. "Hey, I'm from Wollongong, the home of the hoon, and I may have raced people off the lights in my <laugh> trusty Holden Astra." <laugh> It's all pretty funny because I don't actually have a car now. We're a one car family. <laugh> All right. The key is you do not want to attach phrases to your identity that you don't want to be part of your identity. So instead of I'm bad at public speaking, put that in the bin, I'm working on my speaking skills. Number two, I hate the sound of my voice or I hate my voice. <laugh> Another one I hear all the time. Check out chapter four of voice print. Operation Voice Cupid. <laugh> Date it, don't hate it. Fall in love with your voice because if you don't feel like your voice has influence, how can it have influence? We do sound a bit different when we're speaking as to when we're hearing it through a recording. It's bone conduction versus air conduction. It's all there in chapter four of voice print if you'd like to find out more. It can be confronting to hear our voice, but we really need to develop and work on that relationship. So instead of, I hate my voice, I'm getting to know my voice. My voice matters. My voice has impact. There are so many better phrases to use here. I hate my voice, it's in the bin. Number three, ooh, this is just my natural voice. This is an interesting one. Yes, we absolutely have our own quote unquote natural voice. We have our voice print unique to us. This is what I talk about, this is what I write about. But your voice is an instrument and just like you can learn how to play a musical instrument, you can develop yours. People are tinkering with one, two or three notes on the piano and saying it's just their natural piano playing when they've got 88 keys to explore. You absolutely can develop range in your voice. Time and time again, I have clients producing sounds from their voice they did not think were possible and they go, "Wow, that feels so good. It feels so natural." If anything, a lot of people are using voices which are not their natural voice and calling it their natural voice. So I would say absolutely you can develop range in your voice. That's all the work we do here. This is my natural voice in the bin, this is my voice and I can develop range in it. All right, the next few are phrases that diminish us. Like, I know this is probably a silly question, that's it. In the bin, no questions, full stop. <laugh> Why are we diminishing our own contribution before we've even made it? You do not need to apologize for being curious. So often when people say that, they ask a really great question that other people in the group wanted to ask. And by saying this is probably a silly question, you are already setting it up to be perceived as silly. So really put this one in the bin and replace it with, can you help me understand this? Or just launch straight into the question. <laugh> Okay? Just go for it. Very closely related to that one is the phrase number five, does that make sense? Let me tell you, it makes perfect sense. You do not need to add that on. And I understand it's a little verbal safety net. We've all done it. It's like we can just couch what we've said with the little, does that make sense and get that validation. You don't need it because it again diminishes your brilliance. What questions do you have? What's your biggest takeaway? I'd love to hear how that lands with you. Does that make sense? In the bin. Number six. Oh, I don't want to take up too much of your time. Ooh, are we guilty of that one? I appreciate we all have very full lives and I absolutely believe in respecting other people's time, but there is a difference between being considerate and diminishing the value of what you have to say. We do not need to apologize because you've already positioned yourself as an interruption rather than a value adder. You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to have ideas. I don't want to take up too much of your time in the bin. You could try. Do you have 10 minutes to discuss something important? We ask permission for the time rather than immediately indicate that we are wasting it. Number seven, sorry. Now, I'm not suggesting we eliminate that word from the English language, but it is far too overused, isn't it? If you have genuinely run into somebody, stepped on their toe, hurt their feelings, genuinely caused distress or inconvenience, yes, apologize. But I've even seen scenarios where a person has been interrupted by somebody else and then they've said, "Oh, sorry." Like they've apologized to the interrupter. "Sorry for asking a question. Sorry for interrupting. Sorry for having an opinion. Sorry for sending an email. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Let's be more unapologetic. My friend Ali Nietzke, who wrote a book about this, she spoke at an event on a panel with me the other night and what came up was a really great reframe. So instead of saying sorry for the delay if you're late getting back to someone on an email, instead say, thanks for your patience. Sorry to bother you, I have a question for you. Sorry, can I just add something? I'd like to build on that point. It's not about becoming rude or inconsiderate. It's about fighting against those years of people pleasing conditioning that likes to pop its head up and understand when an apology is warranted and when you're simply diminishing yourself. Now the next few phrases are ones that limit our possibility. They put blockers on us. So the first one, what are we up to? Number eight, I'm too busy. Busy, busy, busy, busy. <laugh> I think we're all guilty of using that word busy. I have used it a lot less since I was taught about this reframe. Busy is not a badge of honor. If someone asks, "Oh, how are you going? How are things?" Oh, it's so busy. And of course, you might have a demanding job, a business, a family, deadlines, a million things happening, especially this time of year. But I also think we've become comfortable using busyness as a reason not to do things. If you are not filling your life with fulfilling work and things that bring you joy and people that light you up, why not? <laugh> I find that it can become an excuse. I'm too busy to exercise. I'm too busy to catch up with friends. I'm too busy to learn something new. I'm too busy to do a voice course. <laugh> And sometimes that's true. Sometimes busy is simply a reflection of our priorities. So it's worth asking, am I actually too busy or is this not a priority? When a coach posed that question to me, I felt very judged. I was like, "Rightio." <laugh> Someone said, "You can look at somebody's calendar without ever meeting them and list in order what's important in that person's life." What? <laugh> So if we're always saying we're too busy to do the things that matter to us, we need to examine how we're spending our time. So too busy in the bin, replace it with, "That's not a priority for me right now." And that's similar to number nine, "I don't have time. I don't have time." You know what they say? We all have the same 24 hours in a day. Yes, we do. Yes, we do. Of course, we do not have the same circumstances, resources, responsibility, any of those things. I do think the phrase, "I don't have time," is again, used to avoid making a decision. "I don't have time to practice a presentation. I don't have time to join soul speakers. I don't have time to develop a new skill. I don't have time to do something that might actually make my life better. "So what if we started asking a different question? What would need to change for me to make time? Less dilly-dallying. I'm 41, no boss, no kids. I do have heaps of time. And whenever I feel that time pressure, I often think of my sister who's got a big job, three kids, who's training for a marathon. I'm like," Oh, I can, I can make time if I want to. "'Cause this is the thing, there is always someone busier than you and there is always someone who is doing more with the same amount of time as you. Like it really is the perspective. Could I watch less Netflix? Could I block out 30 minutes of my diary? Could I get up half an hour earlier? You know, because from working with people for more than 25 years, the people who make progress are not the people who have time. <laugh> I'm telling you right now, my clients are like the most time poor people in the world, you could say, but they are choosing to spend their time extremely intentionally, extremely wisely. They're the people who make a decision to prioritize their development. And that brings me to the next phrase. Number 10, I can't afford it. The money mindset and money language work I've done has been the biggest change to my lifestyle and my life, I'd say. It was quite confronting. I'm like, "Yeah, but what if I can't afford it?" It reminds me of that scene out of Bridesmaids where you know where she's on the plane and she has the glasses on because she snuck up to business class or first class and she's like, "Help me, I'm poor. <laugh> Help me, I'm poor. I can't afford it." Cost of living crisis. We've got to approach this carefully. Financial circumstances are real. We are in the soup of the system here. Not everything is affordable, rates are going up, prices are going up. I am in no way suggesting you should spend money you don't have, but it's worth distinguishing between something being genuinely unaffordable and something just not being a financial priority. So sometimes we see an opportunity, a course, a coaching program, a conference, and the immediate response is, "Oh, I can't afford it." Sometimes we haven't explored the value, the ROI on it. We haven't considered what might make it possible, what we might learn, who we might meet. And if you invest in yourself and you have comfortably for years, you absolutely get it. You don't think twice about doing it. I'm always investing in myself because it's always the biggest return on investment. And often the most nerve-wracking investment is when you are trying it for the first time, when you haven't been used to doing that. So I can't afford it in the bin. Is this something I want to prioritize financially? The course I did, Queen of Coin, by Ruby Lee, she's been a guest on this podcast. It was so good. It was putting you in the empowered throne of your money. The universe always provides money flows to me freely and easily. That's not my financial priority right now. It puts you in the proactive, empowered seat. I can't afford it. I'm too poor. It's too hard. It, it drops you into that victim mentality and that is not where you want to be. So there you have it. They're the 10 phrases. So what do we have? What are we putting in the bin? One, I'm bad at public speaking in the bin. Two, I hate my voice in the bin. Three, this is just my natural voice. Gone. Four, I know this is probably a silly question, definitely in the bin. Five, does that make sense? Don't need it. Gone. Six, I don't want to take up too much of your time. Ugh, boom, gone, in the bin. Seven, sorry, in the bin, unless you are actually apologizing for something you need to be sorry for. Number eight, I'm too busy. Number nine, I don't have time. Number 10, I can't afford it. You put all of those 10 phrases in the bin just for an experiment, just for a week. Pay attention to what changes for you. In my line of work, people tell me all the time they want to become more confident speakers. They want to find their voice, speak up in meetings, feel confident in interviews, do better presentations, grow their businesses. They're sick of people who are talking the talk but not walking the walk, getting those opportunities. They want to make a bigger impact. What I've learned is wanting to do something and actually doing something are two very different things. In the early stages of my business, I'd get an inquiry about really wanting to improve their communication and how hard it was when they felt so nervous and weren't able to speak up and the opportunities that they'd missed. And so I wrote back so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, excited, "Yes, yes, yes, I can help. We can do this, this, this, this, this." And then they'd say, "Yes, often that's great." And then they'd be gone. And it took me a while to internalize that it was not about me. There's just a big difference between people who dip their toe in the water and they want to have their problem magically fixed without any investment of time, effort or money. <laugh> And the people that say, "Yep, let's do this." And if you invest in yourself, you know, you can listen to podcasts and read books and save Instagram posts and collect all the advice in the world, but at some point you have to put yourself in an environment where you can get that transformation, where you can practice, where you can be challenged, where you can receive feedback, where you can grow, where you can have some level of accountability. And that's why I created Soul Speakers, my group program. So it's the community for people who are really committed to developing their communication, strengthening their voice, people wanting to become more confident, more influential in the way they show up. Yes, you get loads of speaking techniques, but it's more about having that space to practice, experiment, ask questions, build connections, you keep developing because confidence and all of this stuff, it doesn't come from knowing what to do, it comes from the action, it comes from doing it. So I don't want you to be someone who spends another year, look, we're coming into Christmas, don't spend another year saying you want to become a better speaker without actually making that commitment to yourself. So if you've been thinking about working on your voice, improving your communication, becoming a more confident speaker, I'd love you to explore Soul Speakers. You'll find all the details in the link in these show notes. And perhaps it's time to put one final phrase in the bin. Yeah, I'll do it one day. One day Is not a date in the diary. Some day, one day, it's not today. I'll tell you that much. So stop Waiting to find the right time to use your voice. Stop waiting to be ready and start making time, being intentional, making that decision to develop your voice and use it. Thanks for listening.
