227. Speaking through Grief
For Ashleigh Conwell, 2020 brought unimaginable loss and pain: the sudden death of her husband while pregnant with triplets, the passing of her father-in-law and beloved granddad, a traumatic ordeal in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit - all amid a global pandemic and an unrelenting media storm.
But Ashleigh refuses to let these tragedies define her and she found a way to create joy.
In this episode we talk about why Ashleigh is taking this story to the stage, who she wants to help and the challenges with voicing such personal trauma.
If you are overcoming adversity in your life and feel your story needs to be shared but don't know where to start, this episode is for you.
Transcript
Welcome to the first episode of That Voice Podcast for 2025, you might have your new journal open, your goals written down. You're ready for the best year ever, or maybe you're still resting and resetting. Wherever you're at, here's the thing about life. The best laid plans, hey, life writes, plot twists we would never choose. We've all experienced life throwing up curve balls and putting us through challenges we can't make sense of. And maybe that's why you've tuned in today.
For Ashleigh Conwell, our beautiful guest, 2020 brought unimaginable loss and pain, the sudden death of her husband while pregnant with triplets, the passing of her father-in-law, and beloved granddad, a traumatic ordeal in the neonatal intensive care unit, all amid a global pandemic and an unrelenting media storm. And she lost her job just like the cherry on top of the most brutal year you could imagine. But Ashleigh refuses to let these tragedies define her, and she's found a way to create joy. And we met, because Ash is ready to take her story to the stage. She's ready to turn her mess into her message, to use her voice to speak her truth. And she's founded this amazing business called Yellow Falcon. It's all about empowering women to rise above challenges like a falcon soaring above the storm. Oh, I love the symbology of it.
In this episode, Ash shares her story. It is about immense loss. So check in with where you're at today and make sure you listen to this episode in an emotionally safe place for yourself. And we talk about why Ashleigh is taking this story to the stage, why she wants to speak, who she wants to help, and the challenges with physically voicing such personal trauma. If you are someone who books the speakers for events, reach out to Ashleigh. Honestly, after hearing this, you'll see why her message belongs on stage. And if you are someone who's going through or has gone through a terrible tragedy or trauma, and you have that inner nudge to speak, that little voice saying it needs to be on stage, you need to be helping people sharing this story, then reach out, send me a message, send me an email, and let's have a conversation to see if you're ready for that. Okay, let's take a breath in and a breath out.
Sally:
Ashleigh Conwell, welcome to That Voice Podcast.
Ashleigh:
Thanks for having me, Sal.
Sally:
I had the privilege of meeting you a couple of months ago and I am just blown away by your story and the person that you are. Take us through what was the reason that you reached out to me initially.
Ashleigh
So I reached out to you to help me truly find my voice. I have been through a process of the last four years finding that myself, and I got to a point where I went, I just need extra help. So my story is from 2020, and a lot of us have a story from that year. In that year. I lost my father-in-law in January who I adored, and that was a very short and aggressive illness. And then in March, I was stood down from my job at Flight Center, and that was due to the unfolding pandemic of COVID.
Ashleigh:
Then just three months after that, in June, my husband and I actually found out that we were pregnant and we were just so excited to find out this news. And then three weeks after finding out, we actually realized that we were welcoming not just one, and not just two babies, but actually three. So it was a big shock to find out that we were having, but also just so much gratitude and excitement for that we were just felt so lucky. So that was in in June, and then August, we celebrated our wedding anniversary, and I didn't know that it was gonna be our last wedding anniversary together.
Ashleigh:
The following week, my husband went out for his usual morning run, but he never returned home. He passed away in an accident, and that's when my life changed in that instant. So I was 17 weeks pregnant with our triplets. I was broken. I wanted to hide away from everyone and everything, but that was impossible. I had a funeral service to plan for Matt, and every ounce of my energy went into that. And at the time, there was a lot of media attention as well. So here I was trying to navigate my own grief, trying to plan a funeral service, managing the estate, and pregnant with triplets. And so that was a really scary time for me. The absolute darkest of my life. It was a high risk pregnancy as well. And I remember just three weeks after Matt passed, 20 weeks pregnant, and my mom was actually driving the car and I asked her to pull over and I said, Mom, I'm gonna be sick.
Ashleigh:
And I basically fell out of the car and was vomiting like convulsing while vomiting as well. I was really unwell, got rushed to an ambulance, rushed to hospital, and that's when the doctors said to me, Ash, just get to 24 weeks. We can work with 24 weeks. And I just had this moment of, I don't know if I can do that. I've only lasted, you know, three weeks after that. I dunno if I can do another four. And you know, that was really stressful. And I just was riddled with fear knowing that I could welcome our babies or lose our babies at any moment. So it was really tough time. We managed to get to 34 weeks before the little ones were born, which was a true miracle, but just 12 days after they were born, my granddad suddenly passed from a brain injury. So it was just another relentless loss in my life of someone so close to me. The babies at that time were still in intensive care with their own health challenges. So I guess you could say 2020 was pretty brutal, but now I'm, I'm on a journey of finding my voice and that's why, you know, you and I have connected to really unlock that voice.
Sally:
Oh, Ash, it's just unimaginable going through that is one thing, but then being able to put it into words and hear it out loud. Did you ever feel when you're speaking the story, it almost doesn't feel like your life?
Ashleigh:
Absolutely. It's a story that you hear on the news and you think, Oh God, that poor family and that poor girl. That would never happen to me. I just even saying it now, four years later, it is, I can't even comprehend it. Like it's my story, it's my reality, and I'm still going, What the, did that actually happen to me? And not just, you know, each of those events in single, you know, in isolation, each of those events are tragic. And then I went, oh my God, I just back to back to back! I was just, I, like I said, I used the word relentless. That's how it felt at the time. And it still feels that way. Even telling the story, I'm still in almost disbelief sharing it with you and saying, This happened and it happened to me.
Sally:
Absolutely. Wow. And with those feelings, you said, you know, it is four years later, why do you want to share this on stage now? Because there'd be people listening that would going, Oh my goodness, how are you even on a podcast? How are you even speaking? And not just that you are going to be speaking on stages, why do you wanna do that?
Ashleigh:
I have finally found myself again, and even in those darkest times, I never imagined that I was like, I just, I could barely string a sentence together to my own family, let alone friends, you know, and anyone sort of beyond that inner circle, I just, I was so broken. A friend of mine said to me in the early days, Ash, you're gonna do a TED Talk one day? And I went, What? That can barely even hold a conversation with you. Like I, you know, the, the grief and the, the layers of becoming a new mom and sleep deprivation that comes with that. And I sort of went, Oh, that's nice. I've come to realize that I felt so trapped in my grief and I was living in fear. I was paralyzed. I couldn't, like I said, I couldn't even string a simple sentence together.
Ashleigh:
And I've come to realize that I do have this inner power and I do have a message to share. And I know in my dark times I had a lot of formal and informal support to help me to, to get out of that space and to support me in lots of different areas of my life. And I've now realized that I can provide that to others and I don't take that lightly. It's a very deeply personal experience, of course, a lot of vulnerability to share. However, if I can give someone that moment of inspiration or just that little feeling of, Wow, if she can do it, maybe I can too. That's really powerful. So it's taken a lot of work to get to this point, but I am living proof that it's possible. And for the first time in four years, I feel like I have found myself again. And that's a journey as well. You know, you don't just achieve that. I think it's a continual journey, but it's all about showing that resilience and also sharing the story now on my terms and writing this next chapter my way. So it's writing the story for myself and our kids and it's not being defined by the past. So that's what it's about. Getting on stage to say, it is possible. We can rise up.
Sally:
Yeah. So powerful. And Ash, as you know, you came into my life at a time when we experienced a devastating loss in our family, and I truly believe you were an angel sent by the universe to me at that time. So many things that you've said have helped me and my family so much. Standing on stage and being able to have that effect on such a wider scale, is gonna be so powerful. So you are on stage, who is in your audience? What are they going through that you can help with?
Ashleigh:
There's a lot of people that this resonates with. Like obviously I'm hoping that there are not people in the audience that have lost a husband, had triplet premie babies and, you know, had this relentless loss in their life. However, I believe that grief is not just loss of a person. It could be loss of a job, perhaps they've just received a health diagnosis. There are multiple things in our lives that we can relate to. And like I said, it, it's hearing that one sentence sometimes in an, you know, a presentation. You just hear one sentence that you go, Oh, that relates to me. Or I can apply that in my life and that can make a positive change in my life.
Sally:
Yeah. No matter what our story is, all of our stories are universal. We see ourselves and other people's stories, even though we don't have exactly the same plot lines, we all have the same themes, the same struggles. And what's so beautiful about your message, which I have a little bit of insider knowledge on because we've been working on it together, is that it's not just about, oh my gosh, this terrible thing happened and you're going to be okay in inverted commas, cause that's a funny word, isn't it? Okay. It's more than that. It's about creating joy.
Ashleigh
Absolutely. And I think that is the relatability, it's the human spirit. It's not about going through tragedy and then, you know, having the Instagram highlights reel. It's, I'm in the trenches, this has happened. I'm choosing to rise above and create joy. But it absolutely is that message of it's possible we can find our voice again, we can find our confidence again. If you had suggested this four years ago, I would've just not even laughed. I probably would've just rolled my eyes and gone, Oh my God, that is so far from where I am at. So it can be difficult when you're in those moments, but for the first time, I feel confident and I haven't felt that for years. And for the first time, I feel really calm and aligned to share.
Sally:
Yeah. And I use the phrase, Speaking from the scar, not the wound. And what you're just describing is exactly the types of feelings to have. When you know you're ready to be able to share that story.
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This is a great spot to remind you. It doesn't matter what you say or to who you say it to, if you are not connected to your voice, people could feel it. This is why you need the Magnetic Voice Formula. If you're a Soul Speaker, it's in the portal. If not link is in the show notes.
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Sally:
What are the, the challenges of using your voice and sharing your story with this? I know there are people listening that would think, I don't even think I could make sound to do this, let alone get on stage. What are some of the challenges with this?
Ashleigh:
Yeah, look, I think the first challenge is that it's so deeply personal. It is not, you know, I'm not hitting the stage to a product or a service or a business. Like this is me, it's my story, it's our family story. And I don't take that lightly at all before reaching out to you. I had been thinking about this for many months. I thought there was something in it that was worth sharing, but I just, I wasn't ready. I needed to do a lot of work. In a work myself first, and then think about what is this message, you know, going out to the world as well. So I didn't take it lightly, not only from that sense, but even from my personal and for the kids' sake as well to think, Well, how do I want to do this? Also, the reality is that because it's so deeply personal, it takes a lot of energy and courage to share such a story.
Ashleigh:
There's a lot of vulnerability. You know, even when I said it to you before, it's, you know, it brings up a lot of emotion. It's real. So there's, you know, a few challenges, however, I actually use an analogy a lot about a flower to show courage is when the pain to remain tight in a bud is more painful than the risk to open and blossom. And it took me a while to really understand that concept. I went, I'm actually ready now to blossom. Previously, I was in that bud and I was so tight, I just, I couldn't even imagine sharing. And I went, actually, the pain, I'm trapped. I need to blossom and show that courage. So for a flower to blossom, it takes a lot of work, persistence, the right environment, nourishment, and even rest. And it's very slow and gradual and it's very unique. That's how I think about my courage and sharing of this story is: I'm ready to blossom. I do feel like now is the time to own my story and speak my truth, to bring more growth and beauty into my life and, you know, for the kids as well.
Sally:
Oh. And we are so grateful that you're doing that. And I think every speaker who speaks on regardless of the nature of their topic, has those feelings of vulnerability. Those times when they're not feeling that confident every time anybody steps in front of a microphone or on stage or on a podcast to be vulnerable and open, it does take that courage, like feeling the fear and doing it, anyway.
Ashleigh:
Absolutely!
Sally:
Reminds me of you. Just, it's the, the value of sharing outweighs the somewhat easy decision at times to just do nothing and stay home and close up.
Ashleigh:
Yeah, and I do feel a sense of almost privilege, I suppose. Like I've got the opportunity to give back and that seems really strange given what I've gone through. But I do feel aligned and going, Wow, if I said something that resonates with someone, what a gift. And I know through my own experience that that single moment can actually be life changing for someone. And I don't say that from an arrogant point of view saying, Oh, I'm gonna say this great speech, but if you are struggling or you need that support, it actually can be life changing.
Sally:
Oh, yes. So if you're listening and you have a story and you have that little knock on the door, you have that little voice in your head saying, This is what you need to do. That's a sign that it's part of our dharma, part of our purpose, part of what we're put here to do. I'm just so grateful to have met you. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. How can people get in touch with you?
Ashleigh:
The best way to get in contact with me is on Instagram, so my handle is @ashleigh.conwell, and then you can also follow me on Yellow Falcon. So it's @yellow.falcon on Instagram as well.
Sally:
And why did you call the business Yellow Falcon?
Ashleigh:
Yellow is a really vibrant color, so it does speak about joy and blossom.
Sally:
I know you can't see that she's wearing yellow today.
Ashleigh:
Yes, I'm absolutely wearing yellow. It's also a symbol of inner strength and power, and I felt like I really needed that through my journey to remind me of my inner confidence that I can do this, that I will be okay. And Falcon is actually my married name and my maiden name joined together because I believe that that is me.
Sally:
I love it. And also the falcon, the falcon soars above as well.
Ashleigh:
Exactly.
Sally:
It's so beautiful. The yellow being the solar plexus color, the seat of our inner power seat of our self-esteem. It's just so perfect. Ashleigh Conwell, thank you so much for coming on That Voice Podcast.
Ashleigh:
Thank you for having me, Sal.