280. The gender SAY gap and how to close it

In this International Women’s Day episode, I explore something we talk about far less than the gender pay gap — the gender SAY gap.

The gap between who speaks, who is heard, and whose voice is taken seriously.

After more than 20 years working with women’s voices, I see the same patterns over and over again — interruptions, ideas being overlooked, and women holding themselves back from speaking with full authority.

In this episode I share:

• What the gender SAY gap is
• Why even confident women still experience it
• The mindset shift that must come before any voice technique
• Three practical ways to make your voice heard in meetings and conversations

I also talk honestly about self-doubt, showing up when you don’t feel like it, and why belief in your voice is the first step to changing anything.

Hello and welcome to That Voice Podcast.

And if you are listening to this hot off the drop — happy International Women’s Day.

I love being a woman, and I’m so proud of the incredible women I know and work with. And for the men listening, I’m sure you have some amazing women in your life that you wonder how you’d live without.

If you’re listening to this podcast, I’m guessing you have a certain level of privilege. Being able to carve out the time and brain space to improve your voice and communication skills is a privilege. And with that comes responsibility — not just to speak out about the unfair systems we live in, but to use your individual voice to do your bit to change them.

Why are we on this tack?

Well, it’s International Women’s Day. And you’ve heard of the gender pay gap… but what about the gender SAY gap?

You might have seen that I recently wrote about this on my Substack and LinkedIn newsletter, Voiceprint Vantage — please subscribe on both, it’s free.

And make sure you’ve got your copy of my book Voiceprint.

A very recent comment about the book meant a lot to me. Firstly, because it came from someone I’ve never met — so they have no reason to say something nice unless they truly mean it. And secondly, because it hit on a big goal of my work.

She wrote:
“I found your book very helpful. The exercises you give go deeper than the usual superficial stuff.”

And I’ve also been told it’s very funny. Communication skills with a side of comedy — what’s not to love?

Today’s topic isn’t quite so comedic though: the gender SAY gap — and what you can do to close it.

So what is the gender SAY gap?

It’s the gap between who speaks, who is heard, and whose voice is taken seriously.

We know the research. And when people say, “Well what does the data say?” — as a voice coach who has worked with hundreds of women’s voices over the past 20 years, I feel like I’ve got a pretty good data set of my own.

And when I help women prepare for their International Women’s Day addresses, I hear these same experiences again and again.

Here are some of the greatest hits.

Women are interrupted more than men in meetings. I actually did a whole episode on How to Teach People to Listen to You, and it’s very relevant here. Because the vast majority of men aren’t walking around thinking, “How can I interrupt a woman today?”

Granted, some might be. We can’t dickhead-proof the world. Unfortunately.

But often women struggle to assert themselves vocally — and the men don’t even realise they’re interrupting.

And part of the reason is that society tells us that assertive women are aggressive, or difficult, or trouble. So there’s this invisible silencer running in the background that makes speaking up much harder than it sounds.

Another big one I hear — and even some of the world’s top female leaders talk about this — is when a woman shares an idea and no one responds… and then someone else, often a man, says the exact same thing five minutes later and suddenly it’s the best idea since sliced bread.

My clients are baffled. But they’re also doing something about it.

Now, I’ll say this: the women I work with are the ones who back themselves enough to invest in voice and communication coaching. So I can only imagine how much worse the gender SAY gap is for women who don’t yet value their voice enough to invest in improving it.

So if you’re listening — back yourself. Get coaching, get training, develop your voice so you can go out there, lead by example, and advocate for the women who don’t yet have the courage or resources you do.

Because honestly, the women I work with — the ones sharing messages on social media, saying yes to speaking opportunities, stepping forward to make an impression in the boardroom — from the outside they probably look confident and like they’re smashing it.

But they have doubts. And they’re doing it anyway.

They’re building the confidence. They’re learning the craft.

And you know, from the outside some people might think I don’t have self-doubt either. That I’m successful.

And yes — I’m grateful. I have a great business. I’m about to do a TEDx talk. I gave my book to Oprah.

And I’ve only had about three breakdowns this week.

Granted, it’s been the luteal phase — so tears aren’t hard to come by. I’m perimenopausal. Life is lifing.

I’m a woman trying to manage relationships, my health, be there for my grieving mum, deliver excellence for my clients, and still put myself out there publicly. And some days it feels really hard.

Some days I don’t feel like showing up. I don’t feel like recording podcasts.

But like my clients, we feel the fear — or the fatigue, or whatever is there — and we do it anyway.

Because yes, listening to your body and managing your energy is important.

But often what we feel like in the moment isn’t what’s best for our future self.

I needed to hear that before I ate four pieces of chocolate before 11am.

But hey — I’m human. And we keep going.

Because the mission is greater than the current mood.

And within each one of us — within you — is something important.

Yes, that was a bit of a tangent. I’ll get to the practical ways you can close the gender SAY gap.

But the techniques mean nothing if you don’t have belief in yourself.

That’s why belief is the first step in my Magnetic Voice Formula. And I’ve recently made that course free — it’s in the show notes. Please go and do it.

I rewatch it myself sometimes.

Self-belief isn’t a one-and-done thing. It’s a daily practice. And you need it to pull yourself out of those dark rabbit holes we all fall into.

No one’s got it in for you. No one’s coming to save you.

We have to find the strength within ourselves to create the best life we can — one our younger self would be proud of, and our future self will thank us for.

Okay… breathe.

I’m going to read a line from my article.

We can rant and rave about the oppressive and unfair systems that women’s voices exist in until the wine runs dry.

But the more productive work is to empower individual voices.

To empower your voice.

We can close the gender SAY gap one voice at a time.

As I often say to my clients:
You can’t dickhead-proof a situation.

But you can teach people how to listen to you.

So ladies — here’s what we’re doing.

1. Enter the conversation with intention

No more:
“Oh, um, I was just wondering if maybe…”

Start with intention.

Use breath.
Use volume.
Use gesture.

Speak with the energy of a frog jumping out of your mouth.

2. Land your inflection

You know how we tend to go up at the end of every sentence?

When overused, it can sound like you’re seeking validation — and it kills your credibility.

Sure, rise when you’re not finished speaking. But when you are finished — land that inflection like a dart hitting a dartboard.

There’s a whole chapter in my book Voiceprint that will make you an expert in inflection.

3. Speak from the heart

And I mean physically.

You want to feel your vocal vibrations behind the walls of your chest.

Many women are socialised to keep their voices physically small — the vibrations stay up in the head. And before you know it, you’ve ascended into a pitch only dogs and small children can hear.

Heart resonance is lower, more embodied, and more grounded. It sounds genuine and connects with your listener.

But please don’t turn these tips into more rules you feel you need to master before speaking up.

Because the worst kind of voice you can use…

is no voice at all.

Share your value.
Shut down interruptions.
Lead the way for other women.

Pioneer the closure of the gender SAY gap in your own life.

And celebrate every woman who’s right there with you.

What do you say?